Monday, April 13, 2015

The day I knew God was speaking to me

My friend sent me this quote from a book called Scary Close. I haven't read the book and couldn't tell you what it's about. But this quote. This quote cut through my heart like a knife. I knew God was speaking to me when I read this quote for the first time.

Judd was 2 months old at the time and I had been aggressively searching for a new house. On this particular day, I had spent most of the day at a model home working through the details of building our dream home, but ended up leaving without signing paperwork because we couldn't come to a price agreement. I was frustrated and overwhelmed; I felt like I had wasted my entire day, my entire weekend!, and missed out on those 2 days with my precious 2 month old. My friend sent me this quote completely out of the blue, unaware of my current situation, and I was speechless! How perfectly timed! Of course, after reading that quote, I immediately readjusted my priorities. I put the house hunt on hold and decided to refocus on the family. I felt like it was God's way of telling me, "You need to be at home."

Around the time Judd was 3 months old, I was starting to feel a little off. Like I needed ME time! I asked friends on Facebook to weigh-in on how they find time for themselves and most people said they get their hair done, exercise, go on dates, etc. I thought these all sounded like great ideas, so I bought a workout DVD, scheduled a hair appointment and lined up a girls night out with a girlfriend AND a date night with my husband. Back to my old ways.

Fast forward to this past weekend. Judd is 4 months old and I had my scheduled girls night out on Saturday night. Judd has slept through the night the last 2 nights, so I figured it would be fine to go out for a bit. It was a very tame night out, but really nice to talk with another mom and enjoy appetizers, drinks, a meal AND dessert at a leisurely pace. Before I knew it, it was 11:15pm! I didn't get home until 11:30pm! Whoa! I had to pump when I got home, because HELLO! I have a 4 month old. And ended up getting in bed around midnight. Judd started crying at 4:30am.

I immediately thought to myself, "Whyyyyy did you go out with your friend?? That was so not worth feeling this crappy!!!"

And then I thought of the quote.

This is God telling me again that I need to put my needs, my wants, on the back burner. Your desire to go out to dinner with friends does not matter right now. You need to be at home.

I'm sharing this because the next time I slip, which I know I will, I will read this quote and remember this post and hopefully I will remember God's words...

You need to be at home.

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