Dear U.S. Government,
I was just watching the news & hear that you're considering "bailing out" the auto industry. This comes after, as we all know, you "bailed out" the banking industry with almost a Trillion dollars (so of which I'll be paying. Thanks.). I can semi-understand the banking bail out, but an auto industry bailout would be a little ridiculous. Don't ya think? Let me say that my first vote would be to scrap that plan & move forward with a somewhat related idea. It's called the Sokolewicz Bailout Plan. Here's how it works:
Write Josh & Kate Sokolewicz a check, tax-free, for $500 million.
It won't even cost you a Billion dollars! Hey, Christmas is coming up & I have some people near & dear to me with expensive taste. Times are slow & my dollars don't go as far as they used to, so I really could use a supplement to my income from you. The great thing about this $500 million check is that it will even last me past Christmas. My wife & I could buy a piece of the American Dream (a few times over) & take advantage of our new financial freedom to pursue our real career passions (snow cone stand on the beach, anyone?). I suffer enough mental strain & anguish on a daily basis in corporate America, & I know my wife does too. We've put in our time & now we need you to bail us out of the corporate rat race. We promise to re-invest the money back into real estate, automobiles, retail merchandise, travel & tourism, etc. So you see, by helping us you'll also be helping others.
I believe you have our address to send the check to. If you'd like to do a direct deposit I can make those arrangements too. I could possibly be willing to negotiate on the check amount, or discuss payment in installments, so please call me if you would like to discuss.
Thanks a million! Or should I say, thanks $500 million!